Chicken Express hit Longview on Monday, giving my fair city the greatest fast-food establishment this world has ever seen. I've eaten it each of the three days since it opened. I must stop.
In honor of Chicken Express, I'd like to rank the top fast-food joints, according to my infinite wisdom pertaining to deep-fried, lard-based foodstuffs (thanks, Bec, I like that word now that you've introduced it to me. Well, not introduced, but made me more aware of. I guess.)
1.Chicken Express - Strips, a biscuit, a gravy cup, aneurysm-inducing sweet tea, and your choice of numerous sides, including heavenly corn nuggets (that's a little redundant). Also, gizzards and livers available. This place is unbeatable.
2.David Beard's Catfish King - Yes, you can sit down and enjoy it. But you can also drive through and get you some catfish, which happens to be my favorite food in the entire world. Now, don't confuse it with David Beard's Catfish Village. The more dressed-up David Beard's facilities aren't half as good in product. Roll through the King, order some fish, and make sure you get some of the fries and extra-mealy hushpuppies. Glorious.
3.Raising Cane's - Raising Cane's is awesome. Any place serving chicken strips and various side items is cool with me. They even have their own signature sauce. NOTE: Those same three sentences can be stated for the College Station eatery known as Layne's. It's Raising Cane's, only on a single-business scale.
4.Church's Chicken - Unofficial restaurant of the Brooks family. I've witnessed my Uncle Jon eat a 10-piece mix by himself in about half an hour. Church's also has the best fast-food okra you can find. For regular-chicken purposes, Church's is the top dawg.
5.Whataburger - Best fast-food hamburger you'll ever find. Try the double Whataburger, no cheese, no mayonnaise, no mustard. It's beef-tastic. I don't even like beef very much. And Whataburger also provides the world's best fast-food onion rings.
6.Chick-fil-A - America's first large-scale dealer of the chicken sandwich. And those waffle fries. Whoa. Thank you, Atlanta, for a wonderful contribution to the Southern food landscape. You birthed Coca-Cola, but didn't stop there. We're all in your debt.
7.Popeye's - The chicken's pretty dang good, but not quite on the Church's level. However, the assortment of options at Popeye's makes up for it. Red beans and rice, dirty rice, restaurant-quality popcorn shrimp, popcorn shrimp sandwiches, and those biscuits that are purportedly used as monetary units in some parts of the rural South. Dang, fool.
8.Taco Cabana - Restaurant-quality Mexican food quick, easy, and cheap. I frequented Taco Cabana during my two years in Denton, Texas, and never got tired of the sour cream chicken enchiladas. I even liked the beans! I always order double rice, no beans, yet did not always do that at Taco C. Maybe the best place to go in the world when it's 3 a.m. and you're in a college town.
9.Long John Silver's - Fried, fried, and more fried. I've always had a soft spot for LJS's, especially the fish, hushpuppies, and fries. They were my favorite fries when I was a kid. Although the quality's dropped a little - the clams used to be awesome back in the day; now, not so much - you can depend on the swarthy ol' pirate to provide you with some good, artery-clogging goodness that just might leave a crater in your colon, too.
10.Krispy Kreme - I'm not a dessert guy. And yeah, I know donuts (doughnuts, whatever) are classified as breakfast. I'd rather eat my Krispy Kremes after another meal, though, seeing how I'm rarely awake before noon. This is the ultimate fast-food, sweet-tooth concoction. Krispy Kreme is to donuts what John Goodman's character in "The Big Lebowski" is to classic cinema. For those of you who say Krispy Kreme is too sweet, I don't wanna hear that weak stuff. Step your game up, haterz.
